I'm a Loner

I am not anti-social.

I think people are the only reason to live. Without validation from others, there is no reason to exist.

Many of my thoughts are of how short life is, and all the things I won't accomplish that I have tremendous desire to experience.

I always wanted to be a helicoptor pilot. I'm not ruling it out, but I have to balance that against the time I would like to devote to going into the jungle villages and trying to convince old women to stop cutting off the clitoris's of young girls? And when do I go to university? Feel the thundering hooves of the wildebeasts pounding across the Serengeti? Spend the weeks going to all the gothic cathedrals and dwell on the men that built them? Travel from end to end in India? China? Azerbijan? Own another motorcycle? Catamaran? Learn to dance? Play guitar? Go where Alexander went? Caesar? Captain Henry Morgan? These men have tales to tell? I want to hear their stories?

So I think.

It's easier to think when you are alone.

But that's not the whole story.

My feelings are intense.

I feel awe, often.

Some sunrises make my jaw drop. Sunsets. Beautiful girls. Orchids. Thoughtful people. The fact that we are on the crust of a molten ball flying through the universe...

I treasure the company of my family and friends, and derive a large measure of who I am from my interaction with them.

But I often feel compelled. To do this. Or that. And I find it easier if I don't have to negotiate. You can judge for yourself if that makes me self-centered or selfish.

Which also explains why I haven't had a girlfriend for the last 10 years. I need a woman who stirs feelings in me so deep that I am willing to sublimate to some extent my own needs.

The good news is I felt that way with Emma, but I didn't make my case, and although she listened intently, she got away. I will find another. Just the process gives me hope. Serves as a beacon.

So if I am with you, it is because I want to be with you. Enjoy our time as is your wont. But understand there are powerful undercurrents pulling at me.

Tick Tock.

...because ordinary just isn't good enough today.